Too Afraid to Step Into the Future

It is amazing how time flies! It seems as if I was just arriving on campus as a freshman and now I will be leaving soon! I am a combination of excited and completely frightened out of my mind. It is the next phase of my life. I will start to really make my own money and enter independent adulthood.

With that comes responsibility. Not just bills. I have been paying bills since I was 16 years old. They are nothing new to me. At this point in life, it is not what you want to do or feel like doing, it is what you HAVE to do. I believe that I am pretty responsible. I am the grandma out of my friends. I buy in bulk to save money. I pay my tithes, when I FIRST get paid. I do not play around with not having insurance. And recently, I have even began to learn how to save. I have had at least two jobs since I was 16 years old. I am a campus leader, as I was in high school. So you would think I have it all together.

So what am I afraid of? Maybe it is the loss of that cushion of knowing that I could mess up, because I was a kid and my parents, aunts and uncles had my back. Over the course of my college career my uncle/godfather, Mark, assisted in making my college life more comfortable, especially when money was tight. When my lease was up on my car, my uncle, Tommy bought me a new one. I could always count on my Aunt Sula, to force me to stop stressing, and help me monetarily, when she could. If I over drafted my bank account, I know that I could count on my daddy to fix it, even if he didn't have it, he would find it. AND MY MOMMY, did all of this and the impossible. As an adult, you cannot depend on your support system as much as you have in college. Maybe that scares me the most.

I have become accustomed to a lifestyle, that I am determine to support on my own. I have dreams and aspirations that I am determined to meet. But what if being determined is not enough? What if you are not prepared for what is required of you? What if times is quickly running out on gaining what you need to have to prepare you for the future that you want? Then, what?

Then comes fear...